My book is about a boy who has element powers connected to his emotions when hes mad he turns to Fire, Nervous he turns to water and so on. In some occasions Natural disasters happen around him. and more interesting things. Feel free to Point Out Any Errors!Thanks and enjoy. Im trying so hard to get it published so you MIGHT see it on the shelves soon.
Prologue:
Mental Fate
When I get mad it happens. When I get scared it happens. The moment I get excited or sad it happens. Even When I am calm it happens. I have been having a very hard time trying to control my emotions. My mom tells me I was born with a bipolar Disorder. To make it sound simple I change from one mood to another. One moment I’m mad and in an instant I turn into the happiest person in the world. But that’s not the worst part.
A triple date to the amusement park turned out to be the worst date of my life and much more. So I thought. The amusement park was deserted. The park rides were shut down because it was barely dawn. No other living or breathing thing to be seen, not counting the bugs surrounding me and the dark shadow confronting me. It was bearing the only reason I have to protect this world in its dark hands. The only reason I was living in it. The only reason that gave me power to ever control what was constructing inside me. It was caressing it like if it was his own. I felt my fists tighten, disgusted because he was holding it. I should have known it would come after my family. I thought I was always one step ahead of it but I thought wrong.
Standing at the top of the Ferris wheel I gazed at the dark figure ten feet ahead of me. Two Ferris wheel carts in-between us. Smirking his pointy teeth, because he knew I didn’t have any other choice, as if he had planned for this all along. None of us moving. One sudden movement would give me a chance to attack. Emotions inside me were getting out of control. I can see the different colors surrounding my body. Shifting from red, to blue, to green and so on like a color changing human light bulb.
The thing then looked up at me. It glared at me with dark eyes like a snake ready to attack a mongoose. It clasped the leg of what it was holding with his right hand and extended it to act like if he was going to drop it atop from the Ferris wheel.
“I have been waiting for this all my life” it snarled, “come and get him.” And to the extent of my imagination he let it go. Fury and anger swept through me. I saw the fire environed around my whole body as if I was caught on fire. In an instant I soared down to save my baby brother, knowing it would come after me. I was reaching out to grab him. I looked back and stared at the dark shadow that turn into an immense monstrosity of insects.Would You Buy This Book With A Sneak Peek At It?It was really confusing. It seemed really film-noir, by that I mean it feels like the person is talking to the reader, this is not how first person should feel. I think it maybe because there is a lot of telling and not a lot of showing in this part. Like the whole catch up in the beginning of who this person is and the whole %26quot;my mom says I'm Bipolar%26quot; thing. It seemed really %26quot;scatter brained%26quot;.
This happened and then this happened oh and then this, it felt like a relay from a telephone operator in Japan. Show the scene more, What color was the Ferris wheel? how many cars did it have? Was the park full or empty? what did the air smell like? Don't forget you have more then the sense of sight (we as a society have been too indoctrinated by films and we forget this sometimes).
Also, the sentences are a little choppy. Try modifying some of them, to form compound and complex sentences; as it is I would guess that you are about 11-14, judging by vocab and sentence structure.
These are all tips to help you accomplish your goal of getting published. Remember that young authors can get novels published but they have to be able to write on an adult level. Good luck and keep trying.Would You Buy This Book With A Sneak Peek At It?amazing job dude i would defenetly buy it just u didnt say the name
