Its About My new novel Ele-Mental.My book is about a kid Who finds out he has Element Powers.He is mental.Crazy.He also has moodswings.When he gets mad he controls fire.when he gets scared he controls water.and so on. Its A book about a superhero with a not so super role. Anything I Should Include? Take Out? etc.?
-Prologue:Mental Fate
The amusement park was deserted. The park rides were shut down because it was barely dawn. No other living or breathing thing to be seen, not counting the bugs surrounding me and the dark shadow just dazed in a trance It was bearing the only reason I have to protect this world in its hands. The only reason I was living in it. The only reason that gave me power to ever control what was constructing inside me. It was caressing it like if it was his own. I felt my fists tighten, disgusted because he was holding it. I should have known it would come after my family. I thought I was always one step ahead of it but I was wrong.
Standing at the top of the Ferris wheel I gazed at the dark figure ten feet ahead of me. Two Ferris wheel carts in-between us. Smirking his pointy teeth, because he knew I didn’t have any other choice, as if he had planned for this all along. None of us moving. One sudden movement would give me a chance to attack. Emotions inside me were getting out of control. I can see the different colors surrounding my body. Shifting from red, to blue, to green and so on like a color changing human light bulb.
The thing then looked up at me. It glared at me with dark eyes like a snake ready to attack a mongoose. It clasped the leg of what it was holding with his right hand and extended it to act like if he was going to drop it atop from the Ferris wheel.
“I have been waiting for this all my life” it snarled, “come and get him.” And to the extent of my imagination he let it go. Fury and anger swept through me. I saw the fire environed around my whole body as if I was caught on fire. In an instant I soared down to save my baby brother, knowing it would come after me. I was reaching out to grab him. I looked back and stared at the dark shadow that was turning into an immense monstrosity of insects.
Chapter 1
-Hero?
I really don’t consider myself a hero. A hero is someone who can show courage when faced with a problem. A hero is a person who is able to help another in various ways. A hero saves peoples lives and risks his own to do so. If many lives are in danger, he or she finds ways to save everyone, not just his or a couple. A hero is someone who does what he is afraid to do, have a mind of such a balance that no disturbances can shake his will. Someone who is a hero is temperate, hospitable, generous, and dauntless. A hero is someone who sacrifices his own life, not expecting any rewards. I am none of these things.
I don’t want to ruin your thoughts of the superheroes you watched or read when you were a kid. So don’t say I didn’t warn you. This is a tragic book, so read at your own risk. If you do decide to turn the page, think if I’m a hero or not, because I still don’t know.
The moment I get mad, scared, excited or sad it occurs. You would expect being calm wouldn’t trigger this but it still does. I have a very hard time trying to control my emotions. They are synched to this type of power I couldn’t control a while back. My mom told me when I was born that I was diagnosed with a certain disorder. To make it sound simple I change from one mood to another. One moment I’m mad and in an instant I turn into the happiest person in the world. That’s not the worst part of it all, not even close.*****Prologue and First Chapter of My Book, What Do You Think?I think you need to detail why he has a super power. I think that describing how he received his power will draw the reader more into your book and connect with the character. For example, I recently was watching The Time Traveler's Wife. It didn't really delve a whole lot into why he had his power, except that it was genetic. I found the rest of the story hard to follow and kept thinking %26quot;why does he have this power%26quot;, and %26quot;why can't he control it?%26quot;. Maybe I missed something in the movie, but I feel that I would have been more connected to the character if I had been given a good reason as to why he has the power to time travel. Overall, the beginning of your book did draw my attention and has me wanting to read more. Thanks for sharing!*****Prologue and First Chapter of My Book, What Do You Think?at the beginning of the prologue you did not tell them what the %26quot;thing%26quot; was until the middle,which makes it hard to follow. maybe you should take out the mood swings. Not to be rude or anything, but i think it would make the reader less confused, you must always try to make the reader relate or connect to the character like a real person, i think it could make room for more twists in the story like. 1) he good have short temper problem and only one really close friend that he's known since kindergarten, it is a very good cliche especially if you make it a girl and a love interest (you will get a more range of fans).2) maybe he gains popularity so stops helping the world altogether to later see that the world needs him and realizes until the last minute he wasn't just saving the world but his family as well, that's were prologue comes in. 3) or if someone else, let's call him claw, shows who seems more fit to saving the world making the main guy quit. in result makes him feel bored and empty with time to spare. he decides to save people again but only finds out that claw is villain at the last second when he kidnapped his brother.
P.S. great idea i support you. I am also trying to create some books.*****Prologue and First Chapter of My Book, What Do You Think?I read a few lines of the prologue. It was all description and didnt interest me. I couldnt find it to read the rest.
The first chapter started out well...but come on! I get it a hero is blah blah blah. Way too much %26quot;a hero is..%26quot; no. Then you acted as if you were the narrorator...if you turn the page...this isnt the leminy snickets series.
also the 3 chapters in the first chapter are all about different things! they sound like 3 different introductions to 3 different stories. pick one topic and stick to it!
sorry im being so critical, but this sounds like a middle school creative writing assignment done in a rush. good luck hun.
